Suki Andrea Bryson née Crombet-Beolens (1973-2013)
| Parents | Bo | Cherry | |
| Siblings | Ash | ||
| Partners | Andy Bryson | ||
When Suki was one year old I (bo) asked her what she wanted for tea… “Jam” she said. “What sort of jam?” I asked… her reply (and don’t you just wish this was possible) was “bacon jam!“
1974 Fennells with ‘Dinka’
I remember her first joke… ...we were on a train on our way to Norfolk when we drew into March station. She had not long started learning to read so was about 3 or 4 and looked at the station sign, read the name and said… “It’s March – so it must be my birthday!”
I remember her teacher upsetting her by correcting Suki when she was right – Telling Suki that she was wrong in thinking that a female fox was a vixen and saying it was a doe! Despite which she loved her school (St Johns Junior in New Cross, London).
If I was to describe her I’d say she was: bright, caring, stubborn, a great communicator on line and in writing and, like me, better at the written word than the spoken one.
She was also in some ways quite private and I have found it overwhelming how many people she befriended and helped on various forums. Clearly, she overcame the limitations imposed by her ill-health and found a way of touching other people’s lives and giving them support.
She also fiercely practiced what she preached when it came to green issues and stretched every penny and re-cycled everything she could. She wasted nothing and wanted the world’s resources better used.
c.1988
The night before Maggie and I (bo) got married my sister and her husband and ‘our’ four kids were all having a party in our tiny cottage, getting drunk and singing songs. Suki got plastered and bit Matt on his side in a friendly way (that left bite marks for days)… and then say that she was falling off the floor, which she was laying on.
Suki died on her fortieth birthday having spent exhausting weeks being with her husband Andy after he suffered a catastrophic brain haemorrhage. The stress of weeks of travelling and worry ran down her reserves and will. She caught flu and carried on. Eventually this turned to pneumonia and she died in hospital after a few days in intensive care. Andy lives on, each day having to relearn his own history,
1974 Fennells Farm, Norfolk
1982 Bath Time
My daughter, in my heart
Bo 24-04-2013
My daughter in my heart arrived after midnight
Wrapped in purple pipes and covered in white wax like a channel swimmer.
She settled and her violet eyes saw, followed and loved me.
My daughter in my pride
Held her new brother in her arms
With a drawn-in lip and curled smile
The same she wore cradling baby Jesus in the school nativity
Quickly glancing around to find us
My daughter in my arms
Red faced with fever
Red cheeked when teething
Pale in illness
May have felt my fear
As I strained to hear her breathing
My daughter near my flat
Broken with tears
When I (hardly) cuffed her
For hitting her brother
Not hurting but mortified
Straining at the leash of puberty
My daughter’s head on my shoulder
Wanting to love and be loved
To show how alike we were
And yet too far apart
My daughter in her home
Drifting away,
Making her life
Frustrated that she was not heard
Hurt by disagreement
Mostly content – she wrote,
Mostly happy
My daughter in my pride
When life was so cruel, so soon
Crying when I told her I was proud
How strong she was
When she was feeling weak
And alone
And in pain
My daughter in my pain
Like no other ever pain
Like a primal scream
Like a tearing wrench
Splitting my spirit
Searing my being
My daughter in my heart
Has no fear but mine
Has no pain but mine
Has no hurt but mine
Has no fatigue,
But the long sleep
In my heart
My daughter in my tears
My daughter in my love
For her, For ever
My daughter in my heart
What happened to Suki – A Mother’s tale
From 15th January 2013 to 17th March 2013
On 15th January 2013 Suki’s husband suffered from a severe headache, which turned out to be a burst brain aneurysm.
Suki and I had been shopping and when she got back she left him supposedly recovering from a migraine in the bedroom. Later, we went out to post a package and she returned to find him doubled over in the bathroom. Suki called 999 and an ambulance crew was with them within half an hour. I arrived to find them struggling to get him onto a stretcher and into the ambulance.
He was rushed to Milton Keynes hospital. Suki and I followed agitatedly behind in the car. After scans and tests, they told us what had happened, but were unable to do anything to help him. They said that his only hope was to get him to the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford or Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge. Addenbrooke’s had a bed and he was transferred – they arrived at NCCU (Neurosurgical Critical Care Unit) at around midnight. Suki spent a horrendous 24 hours waiting and worrying about whether he would survive or not. During this time, he had surgery with a drain put into his brain to relieve the pressure caused by the bleed.
Thankfully, he survived, so for the next two weeks Suki and I spent a fortune staying in a local hotel, visiting his bedside from 1.00pm until 9.00pm every day. Eventually, Suki realised she had to return home to her empty house in Milton Keynes and try to get on with a slightly more normal life. I still drove us to Addenbrookes every day and Suki became more and more exhausted. Nevertheless, she struggled on, despite the constant fatigue and pain from her Fibromyalgia.
She made some good friends at Addenbrookes – people who were going through the same dreadful time as we were, hoping and praying that their loved ones would survive their brain trauma.
Each day we would pass a group of wind turbines near St Ives. At first, only two of them were working. Then one day they were all at a standstill and the next day three would be working. Then the next day four worked. Eventually, all eight were spinning in the wind. We took the turbines as a sign of how well we, and Suki’s husband, were doing and we became obsessed with looking out for them to see how many were working on any given day.
Then disaster struck again. Suki caught swine flu – though at the time we had no idea that was what it was. She developed a bad cough and spent the first week at home, mostly in bed, with me visiting to look after her every day. Her chest got worse and eventually, after having been given antibiotics by her GP (who only visited after much pleading), I called for help via 111. An ambulance came at 6.00am and Suki was taken down to the same unit in Milton Keynes that her husband had been taken to all those weeks before. She was moved to intensive care and hooked up to a CPAP machine to give her oxygen, but it did not help sufficiently and despite her reservations she was intubated and sedated. But her poor broken body was too weak and despite antibiotics and antiviral drugs, sedation and constant one-to-one care, she gradually became worse and worse. On Sunday 17th March (her 40th birthday) she lost the fight and her brother and his fiancée, my husband and I sat with her as she faded away.
This woman, my wonderful daughter, had not only saved the life of her beloved husband, but had given her own in her efforts to bring him back to the rest of his family. Her husband, who has pretty much recovered from his ordeal, is physically doing very well, but may never remember Suki or what she did for him.
Postscript
After Suki’s death, her father, her brother and I decided to commemorate her in some way, and set up a trust fund to raise money. At first, we thought a woodland would be the best idea, but soon realised how much this would cost and the effort needed in maintaining a wood. So we set about trying to find a local place where we could donate the funds in a way that Suki would have approved. We spent £600 on a bench placed in New Bradwell opposite some fruit trees that the Park Trust had planted. Wolverton Community Orchard gladly took £100 to plant a few fruit trees, one dedicated to Suki, but said they did not require more. The Parks Trust would not plant an orchard in memory of Suki nor allow us any land on which to do so ourselves, but did allow us to pay for a bench opposite a tiny orchard in New Bradwell. After much frustration, we finally offered to donate the remaining money (£2100) to Two Mile Ash School where Bo, Suki’s niece, attends. The school were delighted and here we are with a final plan in place, to build a small area for children to go to when they are sad about a relative and need to reflect and find a way to heal.